Home Sweet Home

I know that I'm home- and I'm assuming that most of you have stopped reading my blog. But I really feel that it's necessary that I post this because it's been lingering in my heart for a while. The last few days on the ship made me open my eyes up to so much and for that, I am thankful. Right now I stand in a world that is strangely unusual and unfamiliar. I'm longing for the ship and my friends that I held so close. Now, I am forced to let go and say goodbye. I'm thankful the memories, the laughter, tears, and the everlasting friendship that I will share with all of these people... and like I said, for that I'm unbelievably grateful.
Cheers to my trip around the world!

Here I sit, in my cabin, only 5 days til reality hits. Only 5 days till I am forced to say goodbye and hello to a foreign land. I have felt inspired while watching the post-port discussion on TV. I am in tears and unsure of how I should feel about the end of my voyage. I came on this voyage unaware of how it would change me and if it would change me at all. I was closed minded and virtually had my trip planned out. Who I would meet, hang out with, and where I was going. I knew by going on a voyage with 700 plus students from every part of the world, that I was bound to change and if not change, learn something about myself. I was a church going Christian, who partied on the weekends, never had a gay friend, or cared about school. I somehow managed to convince myself that life consisted of the little world that I lived in. I wanted that to change. I wanted it all to change. I was tired of the box that I lived in. So I set out on this journey of a lifetime in search of some answers.

I remember counting down the days of when I would depart the wonderful United States and head into the unknown. I was scared for lied ahead. I packed four suitcases to the brim and with my laptop on one shoulder and my 100 dollar hand bag on the other; I entered into a new reality. I won’t forget the prayer dad said over me before leaving Nassau, or meeting my roommate for the first time and thanking God that she was normal. After May 14, I will say goodbye to annoying Global Studies that actually taught me something when I actually went. I will say goodbye to the bridge time new report that informed me of our global position, and the witty humor of Ron Wisner. I will say goodbye to pre-port, post-port, pub night and pepto. I will say goodbye to late nights on the smoking deck with Jenna. I will say goodbye to the unexpected knocks on my door throughout the day, the phone ringing off the hook, and the most amazing cabin steward, Edwin. I will say goodbye to dinner every night with friends. I will say goodbye to the many nights of laughter sitting in the hall with Jenna. I will say goodbye to eating pizza’s late at night because dinner was so awful. No more talks before bed with my roomie or run-ins with friends in the hall. I will now face the reality of life again. But I will never say goodbye to the memories, to the people, and the places that intertwined themselves within me. I will never forget the stench of the India or the overwhelming sense of people in the streets. I will never forget the faces of the children at the orphanage begging me to stay. I won’t forget the way I longed for the ship while being away in a country. And I won’t forget the friends that now have become my family.

I’ve been having a hard time figuring out how I feel about the end. My feelings are blurred as one. I’m sad to say that I’m not ready to go home. There’s more to discover in the world and I’ve only just begun. I know that the take home point of this entire journey is learning to say goodbye. I’ve traveled the world- I’ve made friends that have become family- I’ve created an endless list of memories- and in the process I’ve learned the definition of life: taking the good with the bad, the unknown with the known, the happy with the sad, the fortunate with the unfortunate. I know how it feels to leave everything behind and jump into the unknown. I now can’t use ignorance as an excuse or believe everything that’s pumped through the media. I will now pay more attention to the unfamiliar, to the ugly, and what some believe to be useless. I want to dive into the horizon of life and grasp the light with my fingers. I want to hold on and never let go. I refuse to go home and let this journey slip from my hands. I will travel. I will make a difference. I will be successful at whatever I choose to do. No more ifs, buts, when, or later. I will replace later with now and embark on a new journey. The buzz around the ship is what is named “the 12th port.” The 12th port is what we hold in our hearts. I was unsure of what that meant, but now I am clearly visiting the 12th port. I’ve forgotten the girl that I left behind and am embracing the lessons I’ve learned throughout these past 100 days. I now will refuse to take no for an answer or live a life of being in the “safe zone.” I want to travel to the unknown, the foreign… then explore and dream! My 12th port will be the memories, the friends, the pictures, the inside jokes, the tears, laughter, dreams, insecurities, and the sculpting of the new me.